Heart Of A Lion

Where did my pride go?  Who tried to steal it from me? I am disabled people, I need help only when i ask for it.  I do not need people to think for me, you can’t. I rather try to do things myself than have others just do things for me.

I know for myself I hate people trying to do things for me all the time.  I hate having people attempt to actually thinks they have an idea what is going on inside my own mind. If I can possibly do anything for myself I rather try and fail than not try.

I am sure many of you have been left out, not included.  It hurts does it not?  Imagine how a person living as I do feels when they are totally excluded by almost everybody they know simply because those people that are supposed to know you so well really have no idea who you are.  WE didn’t think you would like to do this….We didn’t think you would like to go here….We didn’t call you because you never want to do anything…..

Pardon me?

People, I want to do everything possible.  I want to do it on my terms now though.  I want to be asked.  I am sure many of you feel the exact same way don’t you?  I know I can’t go do everything that other people do, or if I try I can’t do things as long.  But I want to try, not be left out and made to feel like a piece of garbage.

I actually feel that people rather not be around those with disabilities at all.  It makes many people uneasy I think.  Especially when those disabled people in the end do far more living than those with no disability, just plain being lazy instead.  Yes I get it, you work hard, 40 hours a week, travel time to and from work….Your children of course.

Some of us have jobs as well.  Trying to be nice.  Trying to survive a world that is ever against those that can’t do for themselves.  I have to walk almost an hour to get food now, and then an hour back home, with those groceries.  If I want to eat ok, I have to do this daily.  Well I can assure you, that walk is my day.  I still need to make that food.  I still need to cook that food.  I still need to clean up after all that food is eaten. I do have a home to run.

I need to deal with legal issues, health issues, raising a child issues, relationship issues.  Everything taking a small toll on my mind, my body my soul. A small piece of me each and every day.  Try doing that on 3-4 hours of sleep a day for 20 years.  That is no small task I can assure you.

I have a broken body, and what is left of my mind is sound.  It works.  My life experiences have not changed.  I may not remember everything anymore, but I still have my values. My opinion is valid but rarely asked for anymore. Only from my son, and even he is getting to the age of not listening anymore, but that is ok, it is how I have raised him, to think for himself. To do, to try, to fail and learn from his mistakes.  I have some simple rules in my home he has learned from the very start.

Health and safety is rule one.  Rule two, is listen to dad.  Now you think that is too easy don’t you?  How can a child be raised on such simple rules?  It has been easy people.  I started the day he was born and have not changed a rule since.  I allow him any mistake he needs to make unless it causes him or others harm.  He can learn from them.  When he decides to try something really silly, I step in and make needed changes so he can do what he wanted but in a safe manner.

Never lose an argument with your child if you chose to argue with your child.  I never have lost an argument yet, I choose to almost never argue, simple really. My lad has grown up learning to think for himself, watching a father doing his best to provide everything I can.

I could not ask for more. My son is tops in his grade at school, he is in a French Immersion program that the educators had hoped would slow down his learning.  It has not.  I had French playing in the background all his life, all videos he was allowed to watch when young were in French. It really is a second language to him.

I no longer really do much with adults now.  Even with my friends.  Many of them no longer call me. No longer do things with me, so I do for my son.  I live now to teach my son only.  In him I see the best I have ever seen in a child.  Not a fathers talk only here. He spoke his first word at 3 months old, his second word at 4 months. I had him doing sign language at 6 months to tell me when he was hungry, wanted to sleep, wanted more food or had enough.

He has never slowed down since.  Oh yes, he is also highly athletically gifted. In his senior kindergarten year, he had the girls in grade 5 standing around the monkey bars watching my lad swing like a monkey.  No other child in the school of any age could match his feats.

I will spend much of my time blogging about my son.  As he is what I live for now. I have no more hopes or dreams.  I have no hope of finding anybody to share my life with me anymore.  I will never allow another person to take away from my time with my son.  I have learned that this only causes me more pain.  Watching people think they can possibly come between my son and myself.

I wear my pride for my son openly.  I eat a single meal a day so he can eat all the food he can handle.  He is a far superior athlete than I was at his age, and has a father willing to spend every second with him teaching him further. He is so smart I think he is a near genius, time will tell if I am correct. I do know that he will have everything I have to offer straight up, no holds barred honesty.  I know he will grow up to be a fantastic man, and that is what I live for now.

I have nothing left anymore but my heart and soul and love for my child. I pray I live long enough to see how his life unfolds.  As that is really all I have left to live for now.

I have the heart of a lion to survive to make this happen, and the pride in my son to carry me forward.  I hope you feel the same for your children if you have them, because in the end only they count.




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