Memories Can’t Wait

Traumatic Brain Injury combined with Chronic Pain, what do you get?  A recipe  to forget everything and anybody in your life.

This brings very good news and very bad news to me all at the same time.

You may ask how could this in any way shape or form be good for me?  Well, when you can easily forget the people and events that have hurt you so bad this is good is it not?

A great example of this for me is the fact I can no longer picture the face of the woman I loved and broke up with just a week or so ago. I can’t recall her voice anymore, I can’t even recall how we broke up.  Now this is good as I can’t feel bad for long.

I can now get along with my ex wife, and this is only great news for my son.

The bad news is I can’t recall my son being born, most of his childhood, or events leading up to my car accident and this last concussion.  I have several terabytes of pictures and videos of my son and our antics together over his 6 years, but they allow me to pull out certain memories only.

Maybe this blog is a chance for me to attempt to explain to my son what is going on with my health, and my memories getting lost.  I am hoping that I can write enough material to eventually gain an editor’s desire to take my project on and get somebody to help me write my book. I think with a skilled ghost writer I may just be able to get enough out of the memory banks to make a very interesting story.

I do know that I am a very happy person being alone now, I no longer need to deal with other people’s issues and can deal only with my own and my sons.  Yes it is lonely, but hey people, don’t you forget, I will forget my loneliness very fast.

I feel the trick for me will be to learn how to live a new way, counting on nobody but myself to remember what I must get done.  Not easy when I am actually a luddite and really don’t enjoy technology at all, and find it near impossible for me to remember how to work them. I do have the basics and that may be enough, and the great news is my son is learning fast each and every day how to work the electronics I can’t fathom.

My major stress with no memories is what happens if I forget to put anything into my calendar?  I will miss a lot, maybe get into a lot of trouble even.  I don’t worry about taking care of my son as we have such a solid routine together that for now at least I cant forget what to do.  By the time my memories are totally gone I am praying my son will be old enough to care for me.

I feel terrible for my son this year.  He will not really have a Christmas as I forgot to send in the papers to the Santa Claus Foundation to get him a gift package from them.  I can’t afford to purchase him the things I am sure he will want.  The great thing though is Aidan really has never wanted toys with me, as I am his toy.  Or at least I was before this last car accident, now I am slowed down a huge amount.  I am hoping that in time my body may recover enough for us to continue our fun and games.  Not just for him, as I really miss the extreme forest biking.  Shame this package I have here wont allow me to post videos, or I would show you some of the trails I used to ride.

Please people, if you have any good ideas on how to help with memories drop me a line.  If you know people in the same boat forward this off to them, maybe we can help each other.

I am not looking for money for nothing, no handouts, I have far too much pride for that, and maybe this will lead to an epic fall, but all my life I have done for myself.  I started making my own money when I was 7-9 years old.  By the time I was 13 I was buying my own food, and clothes, my parents  were fine by this, as they had my brother and sister to keep them happy.  I survived.

In time I will blog about my early years, the horror of living with my family, the abuse I took, the scars I carry to this day.  I parent on 1 thesis, do the exact opposite of how my parents raised me. Now you may think, how the heck can you remember your early years to do this?  Well, I have known my best friend for 40+ years, we grew up a couple doors down from each other, he helps.  Plus right now, I still have some clear memories still of my childhood, my injuries have not totally deleted everything that early as of yet.  This seems to be working on my current memories and working back to my earliest memories, so I may have time to write with a semi clear mind for a while still.

To the few women I have shared my body and mind with, I am sorry, you seem to be getting deleted first for some reason, I will have to explore with the Doctors on the whys of this.  If I get a decent answer I will let you know what they think.

Please people, do your best to enjoy life to its fullest, every day is fleeting, life moves very swiftly, my son was born yesterday, and today is is 6.5 years old, amazing how time flies.  My memories are nearly gone of all this, but I can still enjoy myself with him and both of us look forward to an exciting future together no matter how long that will be, or in what form it will take.

I can’t think of a clever ending today, so will end this here and now.  Again I ask if you have enjoyed any of my writing, know anybody in the same boat as me, pass this stuff on, maybe I can help others now or even have somebody help me.  I do not mind help, just not free handouts, As i said to me buddy last night when he took me out for dinner and a movie, I asked to pay for a portion, he said no way.  I told him that I can’t be a mooch, he said I was not, I told him, I can’t be a mooch in my own mind.  He allowed me to pay for our cokes at the movie.

Yes people, I am a huge Talking Heads fan , I thought the blog name was rather fitting.


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