Gaining By Subtracting

It has been a couple of weeks now since the battle of the creek.  The day I broke up with the woman I loved.  I have the Children’s Aid Society showing up in an hour to have their say on this next.

Yet here I sit, nice and calm, no worries at all in the world, why?  Well thinking about this I have come to the conclusion I have a lot less stress in my life today than I did a couple weeks ago.  And I feel much better.

I am not saying I am right as rain or anything silly like that.  But I am able to handle more, I still get my headaches, but I can deal with them a lot faster now.  My body still hurts terribly, but this is a mistress I know and love, we will be forever lovers until the end of days.

I am finding that I don’t get nearly as excited as I did, and my body is responding very well.  Wow, a magic pill?  Nope, just no relationship, I put me first, my son first when he is with me, but me first all  other times.  I no longer care what others want from me, I can or can’t perform for them.  I no longer bother to care either way.

And I feel much better for it.

I am certain the rehabilitation will take the year or more first talked about, but if things continue they way they are going, I may enjoy myself a lot this winter.

I may not have to fear being stuck inside, no food to enjoy, no ability to play outside, I will need a companion to play inside, but that is not super high on my priority list yet.  In time when I am ready, I look forward to teaching another about the pleasures of the body. Remember people, when you live in as much pain and suffering as I do, you do little, but what you do, you do very well indeed, or what is the point of suffering for it?  So I look forward to the next person to enjoy pleasure with safe.

It really is an amazing thing though the lack of stress on my mind right now.  I don’t need to worry about my son Aidan, he is growing in every way a parent could imagine, physically and mentally, so the only worry I have is every parents worry about their children.  But I no longer worry about my girlfriend and her son.  They have their own life now at this point.  The choices made by the mom have taken the burden from my shoulders now, and I am a lot more healthy because of it.

Everything going on in my life right now is basically out of my hands.  I no longer control the events, everything is beyond me now.  When it is my time to perform like a circus animal again, I will be ready, but until that day, I forget about everything but my recovery.

My plans today are rather simple, once the Children’s Aid is gone, I will go shopping for my junk foods.  This will be a nice change, being able to finally go shopping for myself again.  After that I have to take my car into the body shop to have a look at the rust spot that needs to be cut out and fixed.  About 600$ worth of work we figure.  But once done, the car will look great, it has few issues with it.  Just under 300 K KM’s on the engine, but no worries there, changing an engine is basically 4 screws and a wiring harness. not even a day’s work.  My friends can have that done for me in no time.

After that I am a free agent on the day, maybe just rest and relax, maybe depending on the time I will take a walk in my creek, that always puts a smile on my face.  But I don’t think I am going to do a lot today, why?  There is no reason.

So I guess I have figured out what I need, purchase the winning lotto ticket for tonight’s draw and collect then just sit back and enjoy life on my terms.  That sounds like a good plan to me anyways.

In all likelihood, I will purchase a losing ticket and continue to post on my blog all my thoughts until an editor can read this mess and decide if it can be turned into a book, my dream come true.

I am extremely well read, Homer, Virgil, Plutarch, I have read them all and many more classics. Of course not on Latin as my mother would scream in my face, so it does not count, no you didn’t read the classics Ian, you read them in English, not Latin, that does not count….Blah Blah Blah….no wonder I raise my son the total opposite of how my parents raised me.

I grew up with a family library of a couple thousand books, I read them all, I have read thousands of books of all types, I used to read a lot, then it got hard for me and I had to stop.  My head hurt too much.  I say this simply because one of my dreams is to have my own book on my bookshelf, something my son can pull off and read.

So now I work on taking away all my stress, I think if I can manage to do this my recovery from the concussion will speed up dramatically, or that is my thinking.  This is turn will allow me to build on my body again thus allowing me to get back to the shape I was in before the August car accident that has robbed me of so much.

I would like that very much, I won’t be pain free, I will drop back  down to my level 8 on the pain scale, but that is far better than the 9-9.5 I am currently with.  At 8 on the pain scale I was doing a lot of living for sure.  I will be happy to get back to that.  Yes, most of you would not be moving with a pain level of 8.  I have grown used to it now.  My mistress, my lover, never leaving me, always whispering in my ears.

I think I would miss you if you left me pain, suffering, my life may be empty if I did not have your loving embrace.  Not to worry, at 47 and no desire to slow down the way I live, I am sure another injury will be around the corner.





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