Promises Made But Not Kept

I think most anybody that knows me would certainly say I am a man of honour.  When I give my word, make a promise it is as good as gold.  It is a shame others do not even consider their word more than hot air coming out of their mouths.

I am really rather annoyed right now folks.  I had a promise made to me a couple of days ago.  I would get some help to ease my pain.  I knew that the person that made the promise was certainly aware of my health issues.  They have been a friend of mine for over 40 years.

I should have known though that anybody but myself saying stuff only means they actually wanted to hear themselves speak.  They do not mean what they say, and their promises mean nothing.

I made a terrible error in trusting the word of a friend.  I am now suffering terribly for my mistake, and the sad part is, so will my son.

I went on my friends word, and ended up doing a lot of things I would not have even thought of doing without this promise.

I made love to a beautiful woman the other day.  I bet you’re thinking how can this be bad?

Why is this guy writing about sex here?

Well I am not.  I am writing about pain and suffering actually.  Simply because that is what happens when I make love to somebody.  They enjoy what I offer very much, and I WILL pat myself on my back.

I have enjoyed now 2 solid days of agony after the fact.  I have no regrets about my fun and games.  I just wish I had been told the truth about the help I was supposed to get with my pain.

If I had known that the promise would not be kept I may not have been so energetic?  Maybe done things a little differently.

Everything I do has a huge cost to my health.  I walk, I hurt.  I sit, I hurt.  I try to lay in bed, I hurt.  There is not 1 thing I do that does not cause extreme pain.  The medical team that is working with me is in awe of my ability to deal with this.

I honestly would just prefer to play with my son and do nothing else.

But I have to take him to school, make his food, clean the house, shop, I am a single parent, if you have children you know the drill.

Except I am THAT parent that does everything to the extreme.  When my son and I play, it is hardcore play.  I do not stop unless he asks me to now.  He is 6 and has a better grasp on when I need a break than I do.  I did raise him after all, he has been told everything about my health except I am going to likely not see his 20th birthday.

Last night I went to bed at 9pm, I was up for the day at 1am.  I was in too much pain to stay in bed.  I could not sleep any longer.

It seems Walmart is closed for me, that is meant for the person that reneged on their promise.  I honestly at this point I am not even sure they tried.  Likely just sitting at home with his girlfriend saying, I have the worst back in the world, I can’t believe what a wimp Ian is.

I should be used to this by now.  But I am not.  I am the one that gives away anything and everything to my friends no matter what.  I am a sucker for sure.  The same sort of level of help is never shared with me, yes they help, but only when it is worth their time and effort.

I have always kept my promises to my son Aidan.  He knows this very well.  I have never not filled a promise I have made to him in his life.  MY word IS gold.

I hear from so many parents that their kids whine and cry for things.  I see they way their children act, I just hang my head and think to myself, I have never seen a bad child, but I have certainly seen many terrible parents.

So many people do not understand this.  Our children are products of their parents.  Your kids act like demons, well folks, look in your mirror.  You taught them this.

Your children are lazy and do nothing?  I wonder why, maybe they don’t see you doing anything with them.  How CAN they learn to be good people when their parents are not.

Aidan wants to go to Great Wolf Lodge with me only, nobody else.  I made him the promise that before the summer 2017 is out I will take him.  He said ok dad, and that was it.  No arguments, no crying that he can’t go now.  He understands how difficult life is for me right now, how tight money is.

He also knows I made him a promise.  Dads word is gold.  It will happen, so he is content.

I never pick a fight with Aidan I don’t win, and I never keep a promise I won’t keep.  We get along so easily.  There is never arguments, never any crying, never any complaints about anything.  Well except maybe when I make our food a little too spicy 🙂  He is not really a huge fan yet of my spicy foods.  He is only 6.

Now I am going to try and sleep, the key word of course is try.  I was promised that tonight the help would come again.  Again the promise was not kept.  I of course kept my promise to my son and we played as if everything was back to normal with my health.  So I suffer in silence, all alone in my misery.

It is so hard to really care about people that don’t keep their word.  Over and over again.  Maybe it is time to stop caring or trying.  Time to only think about what is really import to me.  Staying alive long enough to see my son a man.  12 more years I must make.  12 more years of such horrible pain bothering to make food for myself more than 2 times a day is no longer worth my efforts.  I usually only eat once, a huge meal, but that is about the extent of my concern for food, I know I can live like this.

When Aidan is with me, I eat when he does, as I make his food for him, it is easy to make for me at the same time.  But when alone, I rather just rest.

I made promises to several people to always do everything needed to keep him safe and happy, well fed, and well loved.  The people I made those promises to know I have kept them, and have no issues with me and the things I have been through and done.

I really think the world needs a few more people that actually think as I do, maybe then we can start to stem the tide of the way the world is actually going, where lies rule and those that keep their word are outdated dinosaurs.



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