Forced To Slow Down

What do you do when you are stopped from crossing the bridge to get home  and surrounded by 3 coyotes at night, in a snow storm with your 6 year old child?  Well for me and my son Aidan, stand around and enjoy the scene taking place in front of us.

I look intimidating and Aidan is big and very solid for his age, we don’t look like dinner.  So instead of getting scared and doing something foolish we just talked about what was going on instead.  This is a park and small forest we play in by my place, we know that there are more than a dozen at all times ducks under the bridge.  It was cold, -15-20 range with the cold biting wind.  We had been out since school let out several hours ago and it was time to go home and me make dinner for us.

We knew it was not time for any wildlife to make dinner of us.  No, they were after one of the ducks, the people around here feed these ducks year round.  They are lazy ducks, and every once in awhile when it is cold and lots of snow on the ground the bigger animals have a hard time finding their normal foods and come a calling.  This night it was a one eyed half blind duck that couldn’t fly anymore.

This is one reason I felt so secure with my son there, there was far easier prey for hungry mouths.  But my son didn’t know this.  I allowed him to learn a solid lesson instead.  He is a rather smart young man so I felt this was a much better way to make many points I have been talking about for outdoor safety with him for years.  I took him camping when he was only a couple months old and have never stopped.

When it was time for us to go we moved out and the coyotes took off to let us through, Aidan right at my side not touching me, allowing me to move if need be.  Just as I have always told him to do.  We stopped on the bridge for a couple minutes to talk about the situation that just happened and talked about the dead duck to be under our feet.

Aidan asked me is this the type of things you are always on the lookout for dad?  Yes son, and other bigger and more deadly ones as well.

What would have happened if I had been alone dad?  Well Aidan, you would not have been with me around, but when you are old enough to be alone, you will know everything you will need to know to be safe.

So dad, is this why you are always telling me to stay near you and listen?  Yes Aidan, this is why I also take you out and do everything we can together, so you learn first hand.

Thank you dad.  You are welcome Aidan.

I have walked a lot on my own this week or so I have not been writing.  Pushing myself.  I started talking to a woman I know.  Trying to feel things out.  See how taking on another person into my stretched life can work out.  Ah yes BINGO, I had to stop writing.

I need to find a better balance, I am who I am, and I want everything, now please.

I am learning the hard way that I am no longer able to just go anymore.  Even as a disabled person I did a lot.  More than most able bodied people.  But now with this brain injury I am finding I am totally unable to do even half of what I like to do.  I started to game again, I have a very good gaming setup for my computer and love passing the time blowing things up.  But the toll on my mind is great, the graphics card so good everything onscreen is crystal clear, everything taken in by my mind, my stretched out mind.

So I am trying to come up with a better plan of action, simply because I am still who I am, and I still want it all and now please.  But I will compromise with life and just do a little less.  So I will write less often, I am sure many are sick of the way I ramble on already.  I will hike alone less, I will do the dreaded sidewalk walk and call it exercise instead. I will have less on my mind soon enough when my courts stuff is finally finished, money taken care of, living can begin, all I need to do then is budget.

So I am being forced to slow down now.  I guess it is better than stopped in my tracks.  Once I can get some money together I can replace the bikes, that will make my life much easier, than I can bike in again to where I want to walk, save my legs.

Well, I have been told my life is near impossible to have, but I refuse to give in, I will get what I want from life on my terms.  I know I will die trying, that is the point here after all.  I can’t imagine sitting still, not being able to do something.  I know it is going to happen, but I fight and refuse to let go, to give up.  But I have now learned I need to compromise, I need to give back much of what I had fought for.  The balance has shifted again and I need to learn my new life, the new level my body can take before the pain sends me into a tailspin.

I am up for the challenge are you?

I was born ready to fight.  I fought to live, I fought to survive several life threatening situations.  I come from a family of fighters, a clan known for our instinct to survive what life will throw at us.

So now I will finish early, and say I look forward to learning how to live a different way  again and sharing with you the struggles I face.



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