Dead broke, working on my line of credit. Family court date put off over and over again for now almost the third year, we have won, everything, but can’t collect yet. It sucks. A horrific car accident that left my car destroyed, my body even more destroyed, and my poor mind shake rattle and rolled. Arrested and charged with assault, broken up with a woman I loved, I am sure several other things I am sure will come to mind after I post this.
This has been a tough year for me. One I am glad to see over, and the funny thing is, the older I get, the more I think this. Maybe this is how people get turned into grumpy old people, you know the ones, always angry, complaining, never happy. Everybody knows one of them, we had the meanies growing up, they yelled at us kids and were named the meanies. To this day my friends and I laugh about the meanies, how we would line up our rifles on the house for cover fire, have one brave soul run to the front door and ring the doorbell 9 times, not once more, not once less. Oh yes, run away laughing, nickie nickie 9 door it was called.
I am so tired of people lying, cheating and stealing from me. I have lost damn near everything to this, and I am tired of it happening. Silly old me, I actually believed that the police were actually going to show at my court and speak for me. My god, I WAS born last night. I think I caused some great amusement to the court staff today, I am not I guess the normal person they see. I turned away and started to walk out when the judge had not finished with me, he kindly stopped me. But I am such an old school person I actually believe people when they tell me things. I actually thought people cared, the Christmas spirit lived.
People lie, cheat and steal to get what they want.
I had to laugh hearing my ex wife talking to my son tonight on the phone. He puts it on speaker phone so he can play while talking, so I am forced to listen in. Anyways, she is asking our son if she is a good person? Has she ever hurt anybody? Does she not make people’s lives easier helping at a food bank?
I damn near choked in laughter. A good person certainly does not cheat on their husbands. Bring their lover, my friend of 27 years and former business partner to the hospital to say it is over, and move in with him. Has she hurt anybody? Yes, each and every day as I suffer with no money, her antics pushing out final court for a year now, it hurts me yes, it hurts our son more. This is why I never understood her actions. Hmm, yes working at a food bank is a good thing for sure, i agree totally with this in fact. The problem is, she has forced her ex to go to a food bank to get food for her son and me. Again, a concept I can’t understand. Hurt your own son, help others to make yourself feel good.
I am getting older and more grumpy, I am dealing with this by shutting myself in my apartment and not seeing others, just my son and my dearest friends. The world has passed me by, and now that I need help there is none. There is no help for me at all. in fact I think the system is enjoying kicking me repeatedly in the balls. It does hurt people, very much thank you.
I guess in the mind of a 6 year old that still believes in Santa Claus, daddy, miracles do happen at Christmas. He is far too young to find out dad has been Santa, staying up late to wrap presents, make like Santa has been around, and wake up early to act surprised without a cup of coffee. Yeah, no coffee, let’s get excited. I stopped believing in Christmas Dreams coming true, yes Aidan got a nice present from the Santa Clau Fund, but man we really need a little more help right now then that.
Sorry son, dad is dying, lost his memory, in pain so intense he can’t do much anymore, likely dead before the lawsuits come through, again sorry no parent wants us around, no kids your age to play with. Sorry dad has nothing in common with another parent out there and the effort to play nice is no longer there. The only effort I have left son is for you.
Sometimes I am glad I have lost most of my memory and even with this exercise in trying to recall my life through writing I am finding sadness. Sometimes memories are best left forgotten. I begin work with a psychologist early next year, I am sure she will attempt to dig deep into my past to figure things out. I should just give her this site and tell her to read, save me the actual headache talking will give me. You want to see my life as I recall it so far, read this. I think I am at 40 post now, about 1k per post, so 40k words so far. Read about me and wonder why I am the way I am.
Anyhow, I am going to bed, tired and sad, I would say alone but Aidan loves to sleep with dad the first night we are together, a routine we have kept as long as we can. Even at his age he still loves to have his feet held at night, I sleep little so only allow it the first night, but it is really something I enjoy doing, mind you it was much easier when he was a baby and his body fit my arms perfectly.
2016 was a year that cost us some really huge celebrity names, more than I can think of in a long time. It also may be the year I finally give in to my injuries and allow the slow descent into giving in to the hell i live in. I doubt any that know me will argue if I do, I have fought for years on end alone.
Oh hey, on a super happy note, I broke 100 visitors today, so I am thrilled at this, thank you to everybody in Canada, the USA and Europe for reading my work. You may not speak much to me, but I am pleased with my numbers nonetheless. Thank you all once again and I hope you find some enjoyment from my writing. Remember this is a big work project and these are snippets of my life waiting to be written properly once I have enough, talent or a ghost.