Silver Linings

When you get kicked in the groin as often as I do, you need to find the silver linings or it just hurts for no reason.  When you gain the art of the silver lining you can get through anything.

For an example here, today I just got in the mail from my soon to be ex’s lawyers the signed as of Dec. 23 our 31 day notice of our divorce being final.  So I guess speaking in legalise in 31 days of the signed paper I am a divorced man.

I think many would be upset at the timing of this, right at Christmas, I mean how does that slap you in the face, here to ruin your holiday season.  Ho ho ho, oh wait, that was me saying that, oops Sorry.

But if you use the silver lining method I can sit back and enjoy saying.  Nice, Merry Christmas, thank you for rushing this through as fast as you did, even at Christmas, you have just made this the best Christmas ever, Thank You!!

I must admit, I am somewhere in between the two.  If I add the Ho Ho Ho at the end of mine I may be ok with the end of our marriage.  I mean I only covered a little of what happened in earlier work, this is for my son, years from now, so I won’t truly bash his mother.

What I do find annoying to no end is this fact, the divorce was not supposed to start up until the family court stuff finished.  Yet the Divorce is almost over and I am still involved in family court. Amazing how the court the ex needs to pay in she puts off, yet what gives her what she wants she can rush around and get things done.

Ahh, again, Ho Ho ho…if I wrote this any other time of year you could never argue what those three words really mean, at Christmas this gives me an out.

I am trying to find the best use of the silver lining method to try and get over my feeling of such loss after Aidan went back to his mother’s.  Again somehow the holidays favour her time with Aidan.  Karma again dispensed I guess.  Maybe by the end of this post I can come up with a good way to use my methods and feel ok with not seeing my son again this year.

Next time is 2017.

We are not a huggy kissy pair of guys, we DO have our loving tender moments, many of them are silent, secret guy codes to sharing love when in public.  My son knows how I feel about him, he has no doubts at all.  Yet Aidan had a hard time today prying himself out of my arms, I think this is the first year he is really understanding the total cost of not having dad around everyday, all the time non stop.  He does not like it.  He has 4.5 years still until he can chose where he wants to live, if he wants to make a change that is.

I may actually start to rue the day I started this project down memory lane, trying to piece together my life in bits and pieces as it pops into my mind.  I guess the mighty silver lining I have going right now is I can just stop all this, delete the bookmark on my computer and in a couple days never have a thought again about starting this.  I know it won’t take much more than that, this is the furthest I have gotten to actually writing the book I have talked about for 20 years.  Someday I will actually start to use some of the written material I have from that start and morph it into this project.

Memory loss, is not always a bad thing.  Feel bad, wait 10 minutes, all is good.  Broken bones can take some explaining, over and over again.  I just now tell people I have no idea how I got injured, I suffer from a Traumatic Brain Injury and can’t remember much at all.  Let me look and see if I wrote about it.  If I wrote about it, it likely happened.  I try not to get excited about cuts, blood, torn nails, and I mean off, not just broken.  I slammed the window on my finger about a month ago, 4 am, trying to be quiet and not wake Aidan.  I sure did when the window smashed my nail, man, blood all over.  The window had frozen a bit, so I had to use some force to close it, I did, my thumb is still black.  The rest of me isn’t.  Insult to injury, slammed it again today, took a chunk out of the nail itself, same spot, go figure…boys will be boys in their play.

I guess no matter what I am looking at another minimum 12 more years of living like this before anything can really be done.  I can’t really do anything radical until Aidan is a man capable of taking care of himself without my input.  That ladies and gentlemen is the ultimate silver lining if needed, if I can’t find a way to suffer a little less.

Hopefully I can gain enough money to try a few treatments that are available to those with the money to afford them.  Brain mapping, is an option I have heard of, I can’t remember much right now about it, not important, it is not covered, so without money, no need to remember anything about it.  I have a couple options when Aidan is a man where I can move to the far east, there I may be able to afford the massage daily I would need to have any sort of life possible.  The ability to afford help there is amazing, the loss of Aidan to me may kill me though, balance is needed.

I am about finished here and I had hoped for a silver lining to not having Aidan around but can’t come up with anything solid.  Oh don’t feel sad for me, I will start cooking after I post this and forget everything about feeling off until later on.  That IS the best part of my situation, people want to live in the moment not dwell on things, worry about things, I am always in the moment now, nonstop.  So much in life is just plain simple as long as you don’t long for much.

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