Mind Vomitus

Aidan has gone to his mother’s for the next two days.  I am using this time to really reflect on how things are going between us right now.  I feel both of us are a little afraid of what has happened, neither can fully express our feelings properly.  I sense both of us know there is a change between us now.   Neither sure what exactly to do about it, both willing to do anything possible.

I at times take time to really reflect on the days Aidan and I have just spent together, especially when there has been crying involved.  There of course is nothing wrong with crying, but since the brain injury I am unable to stop it at any mushy moment, it is getting a little weird to say the least.  Probably something broken in the accident as well and Aidan usually does not cry either so when both do, something is wrong.

I find myself far less patient with him the past few months.  It is of course not his fault, he is six of course.  He is allowed a few mistakes, yes a joke indeed.  These days I feel safer making sure everybody knows that fact, I seem to get into too much trouble of late.

I think Aidan is afraid the old dad is gone for good, the old dad before the accident.  Aidan has seen me with broken bones, terrible cuts from mountain biking through the creek cliff trails with those eighty foot drops to the rocks in the running creek below.  The place Aidan and I are mapping out for the perfect site for our treehouse we are planning on building together hopefully starting this spring, summer.  No this injury is very different, this one is changing dad to more of a drill sergeant at times.

And that is one of the problems and that is not me with him at all.  At times I may bark, but I am usually very calm and explaining of things, now I am a little more prone to barking faster, and I don’t think either one of us likes this change in me.  It is not even that he has been trouble, he almost never is with me. I go by a simple rule, if nobody at the school speaks with me about Aidan, everything is perfect, I know if there is a problem at school, Aidan would tell me, otherwise he is to take care of the issue himself.  When I ask him how his day has been and he says great, it has been.

Well, I am sure of one thing, we together will fix the problem, or if not fix it, make some sort of compromise that we can let go of the past and enjoy the future together in a new way.

And that sounded so nice in my mind, I will apply this to my Sunshine as well that last paragraph, and when you read this, I would like to hear your comment 🙂

Here I am at about five hundred words now the halfway point.  This is my second post today and I am going to stop now.  My head is starting to pound brutally and I am going to shut things down now and do as I have been trained to do now for my own health.

Thanks for reading, I will write again when I feel better another day now.

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4 thoughts on “Mind Vomitus

  1. I am so, so sorry to hear this. I can’t imagine what this is like for you.

    I have no experience with the kind of challenge you are facing, but I might still be able to help. I write book reviews over inspiring nonfiction. They are books about people who have overcome extreme challenge and became better for it. My post over “Payoff” by Dan Ariely might be the best book I have read when it comes to your situation.

    I hope my blog can help you in some way.

    https://thewrightread.com/

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for your love and yes I would like that very much. Together we shall overcome the trials we face if not learn & adapt it to fit US. I love you and believe in us. I stand by you always.

    Liked by 1 person

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