September 2017

This is my last summer.  My last couple weeks with a girlfriend, the last few weeks with a single person in my life to share things with.  My time is short and I want to live.  So I have been forced to tell Christine my girlfriend of the past 3 years come this September we are done.

We are sadly going to be finished as a couple.  She has decided that I am too much for her to live with, and that is all I wanted, after 3 years to live with the person I loved, notice the tense ?

So now I will have to tell the children that we have 2 more weeks together and that will be it.  We will no longer be getting together as Christine no longer actually wants to live herself.  She is content to sit at home each and every weekend tired from her work.  Unable to do anything with my son and myself.  Her harsh words “Fuck your Son” Howling in my mind.

Come September when the kids go back to school I will be alone.  Christine has decided that this is best, me with nobody to do anything with, alone to wait for her to see me when she wants.  She feels this is best for all.

Too bad I enjoy life, I wont sit around anymore waiting.  I am going to live my last few years my way.  I may no longer be able to rally race, or mountain bike or anything else that I used to enjoy.  But I am very good at a few other things as well.  The women that will meet me will discover this out soon enough, now I am no longer tied to a single person.  I am free to do as I wish, as I have zero life expectancy who cares right?

What I feel bad about at least for a short period of time is the kids.  Poor Nick, a father that treats him like shit.  A father that signed off on papers that he does not even want to see his own son.  Yet he gets more from Christine than I do.  Strange that, he offers nothing, takes everything he can, yet he gets more than I.  A person that for the past 3 years has done everything to help both Christine and Nickie grow as people.  Poor Aidan will be hurt as Nickie and Aidan have grown close, all done now.  the kids come September will never see each other again, that ship has sailed now.

Poor Christine just does not get it at all.  Never has and never will.  And her poor son will suffer his whole life because of her shortcomings.  But no longer my concern, he is not my son, has been taught no respect and only listen to mommy.  Too bad mommy is not a father as he is being raised as a woman, he acts like it and when a man will suffer for this.

I got up today at 3 am.  Why not.  I have zero need to follow anything in life the way you people do.  I have no future, i will not see my sons wedding, his children, have anybody to care for me even on my deaths door.

I AM ALONE!!

Thank you Christine for your time.

I am very scared and hurt people.  How many of you know you are dying?  How many of you know you have to deal with your death now?  I will not see any of my plans to the end anymore.  I have no chance of seeing how my son will be when he is an adult even. And I face this alone.

Fuck you Christine.

Instead of having loving hands rubbing my back to make the pain go away a little to calm me down, I had a woman that used me to try and teach her son.  She got 3 years out of me and when the going got tough, as every other person, man or woman has done, she ran.  So now my son and I will suffer, I will have to pay people to rub my back now, more money out of Aidan’s hands.  More bitterness for him to see.

Now I no longer have to worry about even trying to pretend we have a relationship i will just be myself.  I am tired of being all nice and loving when I hear things like this. ” I am so tired from work I cant talk”  “this whole weekend is all about doing nothing I am so tired” ” Nickie and I need our rest”  Yet, and Yet, today after a week of camp, total exhaustion is all i have heard all week, guess where they are going today after a long week?  The ROM for the evening.  Yes a museum, more walking, more time downtown, and the reasons given just make me shake my head at woman think.

But this is why things are over and done now.  I am expected to believe the bullshit, the lies, the garbage.  I am supposed to have believed ” Just love me ” and ignore ” Fuck your Son”  Funny I tried even.  I tried.  Not her, me.

So a person i got to see a few times only this whole summer that expects me to wait for weeks on end for her to decide she can finally spend an hour or so and all is good.  Maybe is her world, but not in mine.  Doing this  to me is going to  force me to find other lovers, and why not, I have no mind, my body works fine. I will find women to spend my days with to talk with as poor Christine cant even do that with me anymore, she has closed so many area of conversation if we are not in bed together there is nothing to do. I have no future, and she had no desire to try for one.

So I am a single man with no future expectations, and a short time to fill out a fun bucket list before I go.

I wonder where I will begin.

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