One Step Forward, Two Back

When is enough, enough?  I sit here in tears right now, just stunned by what has just gone on in the last 24 hours.  With everything else I am dealing with I had a seizure yesterday.

What is amazing is my “head therapist” and I have so many I actually mean my therapist that deals with my mind , are working on certain things that will help us discover what is causing such rapid mood swings.  Well anyways I was talking about a highly emotional issue while lying in bed with my complicated and woke up to find her holding my head.

What happened just before that are extremely different versions of the same time frame.  From my point of view I was on one of my diatribes and my head turned and my eyes closed while I was talking away.  I made perfect sense, I am extremely intelligent after all.  What really happened is this.  My eyes did close, my head did turn, my mouth opened and closed though like a fish, not a word came out of my mouth and I was panting.  My body shut down, I could not move, if I had been standing I would have collapsed to the ground.

So being the man I am I called my physiotherapy clinic that is in charge of my recovery.  They do everything for me there.  My brain therapy, my physiotherapy, my massage therapy, my Occupational therapist, my pyscotherapist is there, my whole life these days.  All in one clinic designed for me to go to for all my very specific medical needs, set up by the insurance company.  Well I call them and let them know what happened to me, and I needed to change my appointments around so I can see my Doctor.

Well, they take my information, make the changes in the system and I am set as I am taking my son and my girlfriend and her son to a waterpark on Thursday that has been planned for months and the clinic is perfectly aware of.  The whole basis of the past 4 months or so has been for this trip.  A thank you to my son for all his efforts in putting up with dad being so ill.  Well they call me back and not only cancel my visits this week, but ban me from the clinic for any therapy period.  “It may not look good Ian if you had a seizure here”

So I am now alone again, 10% memory capacity, ruined body, a deep fear of leaving my home anymore and no therapist anymore to talk with.

The great news is, I was accepted into a Govt program to get my a scooter to get around on, further showing how badly damaged my body is.  The bad news is it will take at least 10 weeks to get the unit, so summer is over already for Aidan and myself.

I hired a fantastic person this past week to take care of all this stuff for me.  This is the same person that I used to draft up the parenting agreement.  I finally feel once she takes over I may have a fighting chance to get anything to help me.  The load off my mind has been great, as with now such limited cognitive ability  I can use any help I can get.

Now Imagine having little mind, no friends, no family, nobody to check on you but for once a week, trying to raise a 7 year old now, and have all your support cut out from your feet in a single phone call?  I am frantic right now with no clue on what to do.

This seems on the verge of criminal to me.  Everybody at that clinic is aware of how bad my health is and how badly I need the physiotherapy.  BUt I make waves, and I think this is done to get me out of the clinic now.  They have said I cant come into the clinic until I have medical clearance from my Doctor.  Well, as this is my brain we are talking about, that Doctor wont even be seen until August and that is due to the clinic not doing there job and getting me into one months ago.  I had to take care of my own medical needs as the patient, and that is something the insurance company said no way that should ever happen.

So I make waves about my money being spent improperly, staff not even with proper certification to treat me, and I get cut off from treatment that was working and very needed.  3 days before a long planned with the clinics aid  vacation.  This is unreal I am now forced to go away without any form of treatments for over a week.  I refuse to allow this to ruin my sons trip, but I already has mine as I know I cant slide at all.  The physio was counted on to make all this work.  Thank god I have my Scottish forsite and saw this happening and made sure I have somebody to help me and her son to play with Aidan.  I seem to always know when to plan for the worst, thank god I listen.

Now I wait, the guy with the severe brain injury and no patience.  This should be interesting, I wonder what will happen this time, another arrest?  Who knows.  I know this though, I wont be leaving my home at all anymore unless I must or I have somebody with me to deal with a world that had gone totally lunatic.

Once Insane, Got No Brain

Well how to begin telling people that your brain is busted for good, broken down and no longer working right.  To be honest, with all I have faced it is done very bluntly and usually of late done with a lot of yelling.

As some of you know, and those that don’t go read my earlier material, I have suffered greatly.  I got some tests results back a couple weeks ago that has left me scrambling for help long term.  My brain is now confirmed mush, a part of it has been destroyed, and my memory now functions at about 10%.

I am now forced to deal with being old, slow and stupid.  I may not be actually stupid, in all honesty I am very highly intelligent, but the way my brain works now it makes me look it.  I have a difficult time pulling words from my mind and using them, I can write, but I have trouble speaking sometimes.  When agitated and this usually happens simply because the people I am forced to deal with are idiots.  the discriminate against me more often than not, in fact so much I have finally decided to hire somebody to just deal with all my lawsuits now.  I no longer even tell people how upset they have made me, I just fire off another legal matter.  I am now using the system to pay for my life and my sons life.

Yes, I am now becoming a cottage industry, piss me off, you have been served.  I am meeting with a lawyer this week to talk to them about running all this for me.  I can no longer keep up with all the action I have going.  I figure with how people treat me and the laws in Canada I can make a fortune, and I will, for Aidan.

I was told I had to show my ID to just hand in my change of information on my Disability parking pass, I have to assume this is because I walked up to the front of the line as is my right.  But the person did not like that, they demanded photo ID before they would serve me.  42 years driving and never once have I had to show ID, none of my friends with their Disability passes have had to show ID, just me.  I said nothing, but went home and filed a formal complaint with the Govt.  Told them I am suing them already on multiple fronts, and here is another.  All I had to do was hand in the paperwork, they did not need to do anything at all.

I am told that after waiting since October for a highly special DR to see me, that nobody had actually even tried to find one.  So 10 months after my car accident I am still not even been seen by a single DR that can help me.  I have been told this past week that it will take 10 months to get me into a very specialized brain injury care program.  So that gem will be now 2 years after my accident, and I am a single father desperately trying to raise my 7 year old son with ZERO HELP.

My taxes got messed up, the Canada revenue agency agrees their fault, but it will take them 24 weeks to fix the issue, we are sorry.  Well holy shit, all that money would have been nice for Aidan to have anything this summer.  The Family Responsibility Office totally messed up the final court order, they cut off my child support.  They are so stupid they actually argued with both myself and my ex wife that fully agrees with me and that she owes me a huge pile more money.  Well SIR, that is not OUR fault and it will take time to fix, no we dont know how long.  So no money there either.  The Ontario Govt has cut me support money because the Family Responsibility Office called them to tell them that this must be done.  No money there either, and they refuse to fix that.

So I have no money, no way to pay my rent, put food on my table, put my son into any summer program as all low levels of Govt require the Tax information I cant show them.  So Aidan is now forced to go to my physiotherapy daily, massage, gym time as I simply have no money to do a damn thing for him.  Once my line of credit is maxed out I declare bankruptcy and that will be it.  If any of the monies that we expect from all the legal matters comes in I get to have a home, if not, well, I wont live on the streets.

I still suffer daily from terrible post concussion symptoms, I am stressed out to the point I do not ever leave my home without an escort even if it my son, as I am a bit unpredictable with people that misunderstand the depth of my injuries.  I have been in jail once and do not wish to go there again.  The water park that offered to help my son and me for his Birthday this year backed out said no, and I still intend to deal with them in some way.  I am still trying to get a mobility device so I dont have to walk anymore, but man do people discriminate even in the medical field.  I have a Govt OT coming this week to my home to see me, see what happens there.

The only true great thing I have going in my life is my son, he tries so hard, rarely gets upset with me, does everything he can to help me well beyond his years.  Yes I am sure my complicated girlfriend will not be happy when she reads this, but she is called the complicated GF for a very good reason.

I am sure I have missed much, my brutal memory is fine with that now, I no longer care to try. I am sure the Cypress Hill would have a good chuckle on my use of their song lyrics, but having no brain is how I now feel.  Society has gotten so stupid that having any higher functions that sets you as different makes you a total outcaste, and now I am finding out those close to me really do not share my concepts on life and values, and that is causing me to really rethink the purpose of sharing my life with others anymore.